i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
