I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
