you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
