It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
