Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
