I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We got so high we made milksteak
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
