Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you win again, gameday.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
