I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
