i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
