I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
