i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I love you.
Bad choice
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
