I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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