Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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