she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
