There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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