im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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