My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ugly people sure do ruin things
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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