Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
