First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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