the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
