Duck Duck Cougar?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Mom said you looked used
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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