party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
