I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
