I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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