1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
