i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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