I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
