I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
