I can tuck mytits in my pants
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
