bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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