let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
