Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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