Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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