Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
