We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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