There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
