his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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