I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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