Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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