i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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