Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
