mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
