no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
