It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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