what day is it and did you see me today?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
