Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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