Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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