Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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