How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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