I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
