Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
